Everything I've Never Said by Wheeler Samantha;

Author:Wheeler, Samantha;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: University of Queensland Press
Published: 2018-08-09T00:12:07+00:00

‘Okay, girls.’ Mum’s all fired up after our appointment with Jin-Soo. ‘No time like the present.’

We’re sitting in the car park of the behaviour clinic, but Mum hasn’t started the engine. She’s pulled out Jin-Soo’s list from her handbag and is running her finger over the options. Nic, all buckled up and ready to go, frowns from behind her curls.

‘I vote for starting with number one and working our way down the list,’ says Mum. ‘Number one: spend more quality time together.’ She looks up and rests her gaze on Nic. ‘Come on. Why don’t we take Ava out for lunch?’

Nic sighs, but Mum nods, so we drive to the shopping centre near our house.

‘No, not here!’ says Nic, scooching down in her seat.

It’s one of the places Nic and her friends hang out.

‘No excuses. We’re going to do what Jin-Soo says,’ states Mum. She unloads my wheelchair from the boot before opening my door. Leaning across to undo my seat belt, she shoots a look at Nic, who hasn’t moved from the front seat. ‘Don’t you want something to eat?’

‘No thanks,’ moans Nic.

‘We’ll get everything in takeaway containers so we can leave in a hurry if we need to.’

And if I throw anything, it won’t break.

Nic sighs and snaps off her belt. ‘Fine,’ she says. ‘But don’t ask me to enjoy it.’

One time, when Nic was ten, we went to the mall and I screamed so much that centre management asked us to leave, saying we were being too disruptive.

Nic’s refused to come shopping with me since.

I won’t scream today, Nic. I promise.

‘Here.’ Mum pushes some money into Nic’s hand. ‘You go order. Ava and I will find a seat.’ She wheels me over to a table out of the way, in case I try to grab something I shouldn’t.

Don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream.

‘Well, this is nice, isn’t it?’ Mum says while we wait for Nic. ‘Been ages since we all did this.’

I take a deep breath and sit as straight as I can in my chair.

Don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream.

It’s wonderful to see Mum smile.

Don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream.

The shopping centre echoes with voices. The lights buzz. The flower stand in front of Woolies smells of ageing, sagging lilies.

Don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream.

Nic comes back with the number 14 on a metal stick, and we sit like an ordinary family.

For three whole minutes.

‘Can I borrow your credit card?’ asks Nic.

Mum’s eyebrows arch.

‘I’ll give it back, I just …’

‘Nic, really? Right now? What’s so important that …’ Mum sighs. ‘Sweetheart, we’re supposed to be tackling our list.’

I didn’t realise Jin-Soo’s list was made for tackling. I thought it was more for enjoying.

‘It is for the list.’ Nic glances over at the nearby Woolies, like she’s hatching a secret plan. Is she going to buy pasta to cook Mum and me a meal?

Mum must be wondering the same thing because, with a stern warning for Nic to be sensible, she hands over her card.

‘Okay, thanks,’ says Nic.

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